I’m embarrassed to confess I used fictional examples for women and general culture to describe men. Let me correct myself by being specific. The best example of the above mentioned female is Rachel Sterne. Though I can’t comment on her availability, @rachelsterne is the paragon of 21st century femininity and the Princess Leia of NYC’s tech universe. If you are a man messaging a woman on OkCupid, show some respect and imagine you’re messaging her.
We suffered a tragedy this weekend when one of our three month old kittens died. My brother sent his condolences via Gmail. He included a most excellent gift. A perfect sample of failed passes at women on the Internet. If the online dating blog is an established micro-genre, then there’s sub-micro-genre of women collecting terrible first lines they’ve received from men. This sub-micro-genre even has a name for itself, OkStupid.
For some reason, she titled the email “Just a taste”. How apropos!
This woman and the preceding profile were the only two I messaged for advice. I knew they would never go out with me. These girls were hot in an Internet kind of way. They are the best the Internet affords, a great profile for a good person. Unfortunately, months later when I took this screen shot, she had colored her hair.
Here’s a proto version of my strategy and she approves:
She’s not interested in:
- pictures you took of yourself, or you without your shirt, or you showing off
- emoticons, though she takes the liberty of using them for herself
- being too forthright about the embarrassing ways you choose to spend your time
She is interested in:
- “the committment(sic) of a Friday night. :)”
Let’s first begin with some of the basic DOs and DON’Ts of speaking with women on the internet. Here, just about everything I say is a DON’T. But she bothers to respond because I’m not rude, overtly sexual, or common. I also use complete sentences. In here, I mention a post I’ll publish soon titled, “A Gentleman’s Guide to OkCupid”. She kindly makes fun of me and offers some keen advice. Later, she speaks from the heart. When it becomes clear that we’ll never meet, our anonymity affords honesty.
Sounds about right
Let’s review what she numbers as the immediate faux pas:
- Out of age range
- Out of match percentage range
- Listed under “casual sex” for the question “Looking for…”
- Hasn’t read her profile
- She doesn’t like being reminded of the fact that everyone is dating many people (insert meat market analogy).
I started on OkCupid in the autumn of 2011 as a number of my female colleagues and friends were chatting about their experiences. After making my account, I browsed the meat market selection of a seemingly endless selection of women. I spent nearly a month rating and messaging women. Then, (un)fortunately I recieved a message from someone who knew me offline.
So, over a series of chats she explained to me her strategy and I developed an approach that I will now share. We later caught up with each other.
Which is what I ask you, dear reader, how much time do you have?